July 2009
12 posts
Would you be willing to lose your sense of taste?
IT’S GUEST BLOGGER FRIDAY! TODAY’S QUESTION WILL BE ANSWERED BY MATT SMITH. MATT, BTW, IS A SONGWRITER. YOU MAY HAVE HEARD HIS WORK IF YOU REGULARLY WATCH PROMOS FOR SHITTY SHOWS WITH THE SOUND WAY UP. OR IF YOU KNOW HIM PERSONALLY. HE BLOGS REGULARLY AT THEMATTSMITH.TUMBLR.COM, AND IS DEATHLY AFRAID OF BEES, BECAUSE OF THIS ONE TIME THAT HE WAS BACKPACKING WITH HIS DAD AND STEPPED ON...
Would you carry a gun -- safety off -- on your...
I love one million dollars so much I would marry it but no to this one. I just can’t get into the idea of becoming the kind of person who says things like, “I’ll meet you at the party, I just gotta grab my gun first,” or, “I’ll be there with guns on. Not bells but guns,” or, “The gun takes that side of the bed and I take this one. It’s not...
Would you experience schizophrenia -- without...
IT’S GUEST BLOGGER FRIDAY! TODAY’S QUESTION WILL BE ANSWERED BY B. MICHAEL PAYNE, WHO SAYS HE’S A WRITER, MUSICIAN AND COPY EDITOR. (AND I BELIEVE HIM!) IF YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW HAS OPENINGS FOR ANY OF THOSE THREE POSITIONS, PLEASE LET HIM KNOW. HE IS OTHERWISE INVOLVED IN BEING TOO SERIOUS OR TOO FLIP, READING HEIDEGGER AND WRITING “YOUR MOTHER’S SO FAT” JOKES. HE ONCE...
Would you donate a kidney to a stranger?
I always think that, like me, even people who’ve checked the back of their driver’s license are naturally compelled to hoard their kidneys, at least as long as they’re alive. I’m pretty sure that I would only willingly part with a kidney if someone I really (really) loved needed it — and asked nicely — but even then, that kidney would be donated begrudgingly....
Would you have the symptoms of a severe hangover...
Just as an example, have you ever had one of those days when it’s so beautiful outside that you and some friends decide to have a nice, relaxing drink in the afternoon, in the sunshine, enjoying the airy feeling of being tipsy and lightheaded in the refreshing warmth and brightness? And it’s fun and everyone’s happy and yay! friendship and good times and three cheers to...
Would you go on a Real World meets Big Brother...
I hate people who say they never watch reality TV because liar, liar pants on fucking fire, everyone has seen at least one of these shows. Just stop it, please. Because it makes you seem like that annoying, foppish David Cross character from Mr. Show who couldn’t shut up about how he didn’t watch TV or use air-conditioning no matter how hot it got and would only listen to music on...
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Would you become the spokesperson for and public...
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that being a spokesperson for NAMBLA would be a pretty thankless job. It’s not like doing PR for Pepsi, for example, where you leave the office each day exhausted from your efforts to dissuade people from their stubborn brand loyalty to Coke. I’m not a marketing guru or anything, but I feel very nearly positive this would be much...
Would you secretly urinate in holy water you knew...
IT’S GUEST BLOGGER FRIDAY! TODAY’S QUESTION WILL BE ANSWERED BY MARIS KREIZMAN, A FORMER EDITOR OF LITERARY FICTION AND NARRATIVE NONFICTION. SHE’S CURRENTLY THE AUDIOBOOKS EDITOR AT eMUSIC BUT SHE’S MOST FAMOUS FOR RUNNING THE BLOG SLAUGHTERHOUSE 90210, WHICH COMBINES HER LOVE OF LITERATURE AND CRAPPY TV.
Caveat: I worry that I can’t really own this question because...
Would you drink colloidal silver every day for a...
Okay, so, yeah, this is mostly just an excuse to talk about and post a picture of Paul Karason, who is basically some sort of a mutant, gigantic Papa Smurf. At some point in the mid-’90s, Paul started drinking a lot of colloidal silver — because some hippie told him it cures dermatitis or something — which means he basically had a daily cocktail made mostly of silver dust...
Would you soil your bed every night for a year?
IT’S GUEST BLOGGER FRIDAY! TODAY’S QUESTION WILL BE ANSWERED BY SAM YURICK, A LOS ANGELES-BASED WRITER, VISUAL ARTIST, MUSICIAN AND OCCASIONALLY EMPLOYED PERSON. HE’S ORIGINALLY FROM WEST VIRGINIA, AND GENERALLY ENJOYS BIKING, POPULAR CULTURE THAT ISN’T THAT POPULAR IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS AND HIGH-CULTURE DERIVED FLUFF. HE IS AN EAGLE SCOUT — AND A DAMN GOOD ONE —...
Would you have a three way with Carol Channing and...
At first, you might glance at this question and think, “Ha, ha. That’s so funny.” But then by the second glance, instead of just reading the words, you’ll find yourself picturing what they mean and it won’t be so goddam funny anymore. Because in the flash of that mental image, you’ll see yourself, crammed in the middle of a Hello-Dolly and a Price-Is-Right...
Would you call in a bomb threat to the UN...
I’ve always enjoyed a good prank phone call (who doesn’t?), and when you couple that with a loose moral code, you get a loud and resounding yes to this question, because bomb threats are like the grown-up and even more awesome version of pulling the fire alarm in school. That, and the fact that a lot of those UN types are total Poindexters who spend their lives chained to their...