I think this could be a pretty brilliant premise for a black comedy (maybe something involving Ricky Gervais or Will Arnett? Oh — and can we maybe squeeze Amy Sedaris in there, too, thank you please very much?) but in real life, wouldn’t be so funny. In fact, I’m going to have to say no to this (the dare, not the guaranteed fucking hilarious comedy I describe above) because it just requires way too much regularly sustained and liberally applied evil. Can anyone with even half a conscience emerge, sanity intact, from a year of regularly telling people to kill themselves? Multiple times a day? Possibly as often as two or three times an hour? I doubt it. I’m pretty sure the guilt and grief and wholly deserved self-loathing you’d feel from hearing yourself tell the most desperate, fragile, brokenhearted among us — all of them reaching out to you in their hour of absolute need — to just get on with it would take a pretty heavy toll on your soul. The movie version of this idea, with the right script and casting, would be awesome — we’re in agreement on that — but this dare sounds awful. I’m saying absolutely no to this one. Another thing I’m saying? I’m a fucking comedy genius.