Now that I think about it, I’m actually kind of surprised that no one has come up with a Chernobyl-themed amusement park (filled with forlorn, decrepit rides and a gift shop stocked with pricey bits of rubble and tangible broken dreams); or, say, a really trendy, expensive, Chernobyl-esque neighborhood. (“You simply must see her hovel. It’s just the ultimate in post-apocalyptic living. Fabulous.) I guess the Chernobyl accident was that rare specimen of disaster deemed too horrific for exploitation. Except, actually, not quite. Because as it turns out, for just $535 (don’t worry — there’s a discount for large groups) you can spend a day gawking at the world’s worst nuclear disaster area. (An actual activity highlighted on the tour itinerary: Sightseeing of “Dead town.” Sounds like good times, right?) Just sharing in case you’re interested.
As for living in Chernobyl — aka, the Zone of Alienation, as it’s fondly known — what’s even more fucked up than the fact that you’d be setting up stakes in a radiation contaminated ghost town is the fact that you would not be alone. According to estimates, some 10,000 people are living illegally in “The Zone,” most of them elderly people who resettled there following the disaster, plus some vagabonds and other drifter types. They’re called “samosely,” which translates to mean ”squatters,” but I bet you anything they are a billion times more hardcore than any Crass worshipping gutter punk who spends his day spanging so he can “just get to Decatur Street.” Q: How fucking The Hills Have Eyes does that shit sound? A: Very!
Oh — and I almost forgot: Thieves are constantly entering the area just to pilfer items left by people who had to rush off in a hurry and abandon all their stuff. And you know what else? The whole area has been overtaken by wildlife — including species that hadn’t previously been seen in decades. You know that scene at the beginning of I Am Legend when there are like, lions and antelope running through an overgrown New York City? I’m guessing it’s like that. Which is kind of cool — mostly from a distance of several thousand miles (You can have a closer look if you like. I’ll wait here).
Anyway, aside from not being big on contracting cancer (weird, right?), I also find the all the other creepy shit a real turn off. So, no to this one. Chernobyl. (Sorry.)
