Sure, you can be all negative and dwell on the worst parts of the Bernie Madoff story — like the stealing and the lying and the sending grandmas to the poorhouse and the roasting widows and orphans alive and the terminating puppies and unicorns with extreme prejudice — or you can try to look for the positive aspects. Like, um…for example (this is right off the top of my head) has anyone even thought to give Mr. Madoff the credit he deserves for pulling off the biggest investor fraud in all of history? I don’t think so. I mean, when was the last time you got called the best of all time at anything? Never, right? So, don’t hate. Congratulate.

And maybe try to send your congrats like, ASAP, because Bernie Madoff is soooo going to jail. For 150 years. By the time his sentence up, not only will Mr. Madoff be long dead, but so will you. And me, too! And while I guess there’s a lesson about how you can make a fucking lot of money if you shake off annoying things like, you know, morals and allow greed to be your guiding force and move through the world with a callous indifference to everyone around you, I think — even though you’re safe from punishment under the terms of this game — most people would hate themselves for doing this dare. Imagine knowing that thousands of people — and their families and their children — are totally broke. Because of you, asshole. College funds wiped out; homes lost; medical bills unpaid. All because you wanted a speed boat. So fucked up. Anyway, if it isn’t obvious, I’m saying no because even I don’t like money enough to destroy other people’s lives for it. Bernie holds the record on that, and he can keep it.