I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that being a spokesperson for NAMBLA would be a pretty thankless job. It’s not like doing PR for Pepsi, for example, where you leave the office each day exhausted from your efforts to dissuade people from their stubborn brand loyalty to Coke. I’m not a marketing guru or anything, but I feel very nearly positive this would be much harder than that. Because you’re basically trying to sell a fairly unpopular product — pedophilia — to a public that is not so much indifferent as they are, like, this far from cutting off your clients’ genitalia and roasting them on a spit and feeding them to coyotes and forcing your clients to watch. From jail. In hell. I guess what I’m saying is, public opinion would be a big disadvantage for you right off the bat. The PR guy for Robert Mugabe probably wouldn’t trade places with you and I’d bet Karl Rove would question your morals. I mean, even the guy who founded it (David Thorstad, that’s him in the picture) complained that (you’ll love this) the monthly bulletin was ”turning into a semi-pornographic jerk-off mag for pedophiles.” (I’m not sure what he thought would happen, but that’s really a discussion for another time.) You could create PSAs to help people distinguish between pedophiles and pederasts, and launch commercial ad campaigns about how this is just a new take on a bitchin’ Ancient Grecian trend all you want. What you’re selling, most people won’t be buying. And also — I almost forgot to mention this — you’ll be getting the shit beat out of you all the time.  

I will, of course, be saying no to this one. I may be many things — a bleeding heart, a hedonist, a non-hippie free spirit — but I am not a big fan (or even a little fan) of pedophilia. So I’m turning this down. Nopes.