I guess this question might be hard if you’re religious but, for me, this is kind of like asking if I’d walk around screaming “Boo!” at people and wearing a shirt that says “I’m A Little Devil!” And the answer is hells yes. Lone nut, self-proclaimed Satanists who believe their dogs are commanding them to go on murder sprees and to eat people’s hearts are really fucking scary; so are Norwegian Nazi Satanist black metal band members who, after finding the body of a bandmate who committed suicide by blowing his head off, rush out to buy a disposable camera to take pictures of the corpse (you know, to use as the cover art for the new album) AND make a stew out of his brains AND fashion a necklace from shards of his skull — all before getting around to calling the police. Granted, those people are YIKES!, but you know who isn’t scary? Actual members of the Church of Satan. I mean, who was Anton LaVey really but a super flamboyant keyboard player who starfucked around with Sammy Davis, Jr. and Jayne Mansfield (and who would never shut the fuck up about it)? And, honestly, how frightening is a church with a website that includes salutations like, “Satanism is not for everyone, but if it is for you, we welcome you!” I guess the Devil frowns on inconveniencing people, because they make it pretty easy to become a member: you can apply online (actual question: “Tell one of your favorite jokes.”) and they’ll accept the $200 fee via PayPal. And get this: You never have to actually go to church, or tithe, or whatever. You sign up, pay your fee and you’re done. What is so fucking scary about a church that gives new members a registration packet and the chance to be put on the e-bulletin list? (Fun!) Seriously, how afraid can you be of a church with tenets that include “Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them” and “Do not harm little children”? That’s scary like a goth that has a curfew. Yes, yes, yes to this one. $1,000,000=Team Satan all the way.