Everybody thinks that no one gets scurvy anymore in the modern West, but that shit still happens. I had a friend in college who — cross my heart — got scurvy because for months all he ate was these fake chicken product things called ”crispy patties” and imitation soft serve ice-cream that was so budget it didn’t even contain real milk. And then there was that story in Vice a few years back where some British guy recounted how he got scurvy after living on water and flour for months and which freaked me out and is burned into my brain because of this bit:
“I could push my tongue into the roof of my mouth and spit out blood and pus…If I scratched myself lightly on any part of my body, it would come up in pus-filled welts minutes later. I also discovered scars that had been healed for years had started to reopen.”
His years-old scars reopened! That part just kills me.
In case you’re wondering, rickets is kind of the same thing except that it results from a lack of Vitamin D (instead of Vitamin C) in children and leads to soft bones and bowed legs like this. Basically, neither of these diseases sounds like fun (most diseases are not!), but I am more than happy to endure pain for money. I’m guessing that as soon as the scurvy kicked in and I suffered for a day or two, I could stop eating paper or whatever and finally have a fucking orange or something to put a stop to it. The short answer is, I absolutely believe it’s worth shedding a little pus and blood to get $1M. So count me in! Diseases for money!
* Useless Factoid of the Day: Scurvy was “popular” with 18th Century sailors and pirates, until they figured out that citrus could stave off the disease. The British Royal Navy used limes to keep its soldiers healthy, and all that lime eating led to Brits being called “limeys” in former British colonies. And that’s one to grow on!
