At first I was like, “What have my eyeballs done for me lately that they should deserve to enjoy color so much anyways?” I mean, sure, they see and all that — if you’re gonna get hung up on technicalities — but oh, the many ways they’ve betrayed me! I’m so nearsighted that even the big “E” on the chart is a blur without my contacts and *that* equals thick glasses as a child and *that* equals NERD. I’ve blocked out forgotten most of junior high (except for a few very special episodes of Quantum Leap), but I do distinctly recall a kid in my 7th grade math class on the first day of school conspicuously scooching his desk right next to mine and announcing that he planned to copy off me because “she can see into the future with those glasses.” Because — if I understand his reasoning correctly — being a four-eyes might make you smart but being a Coke-bottle-four-eyes makes you a genius! No matter that I’d otherwise been going around without my glasses on all day, blind as a fucking bat, trying (this year would be different!) to live down my rep as a TAG dork. I was too exhausted from squinting to even try for a comeback. All my hard work destroyed in a single comment from some asshole kid who is very, very probably an asshole adult who, I hope, has a job working with raw sewage in some way or another. Doesn’t matter to me what particular role raw sewage plays in his career, only that it’s a (fucking huge) part of it. I’m not picky.

But I’ve wandered far off from the question. The answer to this one is gonna be a no. While I think it might be interesting to see the world bereft of color for a day, a lifetime is too much. You’d never again see, say, sunsets or rainbows or any other cliches that, truth be told, you don’t really see all that often but the point is you CAN if you CHOOSE to. That’s freedom! And my freedom cannot be bought!*

*…with just one million dollars. But I’m very, very open to negotiation.