I wish I could go back in time and pose this question to my 7-year-old self because ohmygod it would be like a dream come true. You mean I don’t have to take baths for a whole year AND someone will give me a million dollars (which I’m pretty sure at the time I thought was the biggest number in the whole wide world)? The money would have been a nice touch but really, it’s the not having to take baths part that would’ve been the real treat — I would have been all, “Yes, and when can I start and where do I sign?!” Yet, somehow that bath-loathing little girl grew into the kind of person who feels like a swamp pig if she makes a quick run to the local bodega without taking a shower. Have you ever had to go to work without getting a proper shower before? (If you live in NYC, the answer is yes, because at least one day out of the year there’s no hot water in the building for reasons that remain unclear or there are boiler problems and when you ask when it’ll be fixed your useless super is like, “We’re working on it,” even though he clearly is the worst handyman in the world and once you think you maybe saw him staring at a hammer, trying to figure out what it does and how to use it). You feel like a dirt monster the whole day; even when you half forget that you didn’t shower, something just feels off. It’s an icky feeling and I can’t even imagine what a year of that would be like — that shit is EXTREME. Think of how dirty you get just doing everyday stuff, and then imagine yourself 365 times dirtier. And don’t even get me started on how disgusting not showering in the summer would be. I also want to take a moment to mention that there are parts of you (wink, wink) that really shouldn’t ever go more than 24 hours without a good scrubbing. Plus, do you go to the gym? All that dried sweat crusting over your body day after day after day is just…vomitizing. If you live in a city, I’m sure you’ve smelled, on at least one occasion, the overwhelming and sometimes gag-inducing, hyper-pungent b.o. of particularly unclean homeless people who, due to having no home (durr), simply don’t have access to places to bathe. I think you can expect to smell like that just a few weeks into this dare. And the kinds of gnarly rashes and skin afflictions that result from letting sweat and natural oils and dirt and yuck and stink accrue on your body for even short periods of time are just bleeeaaach. So, although I like a good challenge, not bathing for a year is waaaaay out of my league. Can’t do it. I’ll just have to continue to be clean and have a day job.

- Kali